I could have sat still and did nothing knowing that I may not get what I wanted.
I knew that I would have to take a risk and work hard to make this my priority even though I knew I had a 50/50 chance.
If I didn’t do it I would never have made it. I would never had known.
I’m talking about what I did this week and why I came to Sydney.
I auditioned for a part in West Side Story. They had 450 applicants and I was chosen. Which really surprised me. I did tell them I was really good at Jazz, but what I forgot to mention was that I hadn’t danced in 15 years. I can definitely move, that’s for sure, and I love dancing, I am prepared to work hard to learn and be the best at my craft, but one week of learning advanced mambo and salsa, I would need more than a miracle for that to happen. I have Anita’s energy and my personality is definitely one of a fiery woman. I knew my voice was right, but I really failed at the dancing. I accepted the opportunity to go for the role and I accepted my dancing would need a lot of coaching. I also accepted that I would need to cover my own costs to get to Sydney and be there for the final call backs!
For the entire week prior to this, I danced to America! Singing about how much I love Manhattan and that “I want to be in America”… while I was in America!
I also discovered that the man of my dreams was also in America. He and I had been talking everyday, building a friendship, that has now turned into the beginning of a very deep love. The last week of my stay, I moved my things into his apartment. We chatted about how I needed a TV to practice my dance choreography. We were both searching in our imagination, while we were talking on the phone about it, how we would solve this issue to magically get a TV!
When I arrived at his place, with all my luggage, there just happened to be a huge TV in the living room, sitting there waiting for me, with the wooden floors, ready for me to dance. I had a dream as a child, of being on Broadway, in musical theatre land lived that similar dream, in Australia acting and singing in plays and musicals as a child. But this time, I was practicing for myself. I wanted to learn the song and dance, simultaneously. And I did… well kind of! I learnt the moves from the Broadway Show in New York – on YouTube on our big screen TV, and I was really enjoying pushing myself beyond my limits, loving the new rhythms, getting fit and it was definitely raising my vibration!
Tommy and I were rising more and more in love by the minute and I was in heaven for the first time in my life. Of all the success I have had so far, I can tell you, that deep love I learnt to have for myself turned into a deep love for Tommy and this has been my biggest achievement to date. He watched me dance, he encouraged me, he would make me Matcha Green Tea Lattes and always lift me up, tell me how sexy and beautiful I am, and this made everything alright. He looked into my soul with every word. He took time to see me and feel me, and understand me.
Was this the way I treated him?
Yes. I believe this to be true. I knew that if I hadn’t worked on myself love and treated myself the way that I would want to be treated, no one else would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Instead of writing a list about the “perfect man” I wrote a list about “My Perfect Self”. Who I choose to be.
7 years later, I wrote a book about the 7 steps to self healing and by doing the work, I found it in another human being, after finding myself.
I kept dancing and singing until I couldn’t do it anymore. I even went and took some dancing classes. I wanted to push myself to see how far I could go with my dancing and whether or not I could play this role.
It was also my time to leave America, my visa was up. My audition was on the following day of my arrival in Australia, and I had so much going on with my healing business, I didn’t really think about the logistics of my audition. I was so focused on the dancing and the recording of my audition tape. My dance class I had booked ended up getting cancelled and I took it as a sign that maybe I didn’t need it, and I could learn it on my own? At the last minute the dance school ended up contacting me and reassured me my private dance lesson was still going ahead… phew! The instructor had not checked her emails I had sent with the reference to the YouTube clip I had been practicing with, which she requested, and offered to prepare me for this. The lesson was a shambles! I ended up showing her my improv and she suggested I film myself doing that, she said it looked choreographed, but I was just making it up, lots of spins and kicks! She also offered me the dance hall space, for me to complete my recording of my audition tape, which was lovely. I accepted. She was very trusting of me, she even gave me her private code to the school. I was planning to record the rest of audition tape that evening when I got home, Tommy offered to help me with my lines and record me. But when I arrived home, Tommy and I started talking deep, and I realized I only had two more days in the country and what the heck are we going to do?
We’d been making love every day, sometimes twice a day and managing to do our work as well! Which meant not much sleep, but lots of happiness!!!
We were both coming to the realization that our time together physically was running out. We had been doing our meditations daily, but I felt I was losing my connection to spirit.
My spiritual teacher/mentor picked up my energy and sent me a message, telling me some negativity was trying to come through. “The Book” was my first thought! I’d been trying to rewrite my last chapter over and over, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings that may have been mentioned. I was writing from head and not allowing spirit to flow through me, and this was really holding me back, and I didn’t realize.
I was also wanting to write about my new found love for Tommy and how it happened straight after I finished my book, but it just wasn’t flowing.
I was guided to do a meditation, set my intention, light three candles and three intentions to keep the energy moving forward. My first intention was to get deeper in my connection to Spirit and for the spirit to flow through me. As soon as I went into my meditation, I began feeling extremely relaxed, that my head and neck started moving, completely on it’s own, like someone was moving it. I could feel the spirit in my body. I could feel it’s breath. It felt so good. So relaxing I didn’t want to stop the meditation. I went in to tell Tommy and he said, “have you read the book about The Law Of Attraction?” I said “No”. I was very curious. He said, “ the woman who talks, she channels spirits and one in particular, and it all started by her head moving, and after a while she realized it was giving her messages through her nose moving into letters.” But the more I tried to figure out what the letters were, I would lose my sense of concentration and couldn’t be as relaxed. I tried putting a pen into my mouth and had Tommy pick up the paper for me scribble on, and write the messages down, but it was too hard. We did end up receiving the messages, but not from the piece of paper, from my voice. I could talk and be relaxed. I could talk and allow my head to move. We were being guided. I was told to stay in America. The only legal way I could stay is if I got married and in 2 days, that was just not going to happen. Spirit also said, “don’t rush” so we took that as another sign, to let it build. We knew that this was our outcome and something we were to build together. Our connection to this Spirit brought us closer together and in that moment, we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We could see our future, then we both freaked out!
Tommy went into his head and I went quiet. This was all happening so fast I didn’t want to ruin it, we both wanted it to grow organically. Tommy said that I am going to meet some spiritual guru and fall in love with him, and I laughed, but then realized he was serious. I took a step back in that moment and I asked myself if this was the truth? I kept going back into this feeling of just wanting to be free to be myself. Tommy asked me what that meant, “Does this mean, to have sex with other men?” No. I was very clear. This means being completely happy. I’ve been there and done all that and that is a whole other story. Being completely happy, is feeling like I can be myself in every way, which Tommy has witnessed from the day we first met. I explained that all the other stuff was just in his head. I did have attraction to other men, but the more Tommy and I fell deeper in love, those other men faded away, and I looked at them much differently. Tommy became my world and I became his. I wanted a team player, and I explained this to him. Someone who is on my team. His spirit loved that! That’s when I knew he was the one. Our energies shifted and we became one in that moment. We kissed and hugged like magic and then realized it was already passed midnight! I hadn’t filmed my audition tape! I was considering to ask Tommy to take me to the dance studio right that second to get it recorded but thought that we were both too tired and that we needed our rest. He then suggested the exact same thing to me! Tells me how amazing I am and we had so much fun recording it. It was the first time I farted in front of him and he thought it was really funny. That made my night!
I also didn’t have underwear on underneath my dress and I got so excited and felt so free with him, that I laid back, swung my dress up and gave him a nice flash of my bits! We both laughed and realized there was a camera in the studio!
We achieved our goals of what we had planned and more. We had not planned to have our deep talk or develop even more of a deeper connection and anything we did after that, was easy and fun! I edited the video that night, and submitted it, while Tommy fell asleep beside me, in our extremely big California King Size bed (which I never knew such a big bed even existed!) I loved watching him sleep, he looked so peaceful and he farts in his sleep and even loved that too!
I rested for most of the following morning while Tommy woke up early to start his day. I spoke to my immigration lawyer and after that, we were all settled on me coming back to America in a few months to sort things out, and we could rest easy.
It was time to pack! My flight was in a few hours and there was a list of things to do! One thing I loved about Tommy that was also really important to me, was that he added my “to do list” as part of his, and made sure it got done, in a fun and exciting way, without complaining about it. He has a bit of a military style attitude, which I find super sexy.
I forgot to pick up my white dress for my audition, from the dry cleaners and it was thanks giving, which meant shops were closed! I needed this dress for my audition. It was the only one I had. I happened to have the phone number of the lovely lady who washed my dress, only by chance. A week before, Tommy asked me to pick up our bed sheets from her and she happened to message me from my personal number.
That morning, even though I was feeling rushed and we had so much on our to do list, I stopped and said, “Tommy let’s do our 15 min meditation to start the day, so everything runs smoothly, I need to get rid of this anxiety around our to do to list and my flight”. He understood, we were both eager and ready. We sat on the bed, set our timer and went straight into prayer. I loved the way he said my name to introduce me to God as “Natalie Rose Gauci” I was yet to feel as confident saying his full name. I will. He prayed for me, then I prayed for us.
I always wondered when people say they pray, what are they actually doing?
I still don’t really know the answer to this question but I did discover on my spiritual journey that praying is up to the individual. I’ve practiced prayers where I have chanted Mantra’s 108 times for 40 consecutive days, wahe guru, I’ve said the Rosary, The Our Father and Hare Krishna, Nam Myo Renge Kyo… the list goes on. For me, it’s what ever works at the time. Right now the most effective prayer is the one I received from Spirit and parts from some of my mentors, which is;
Thank you for this day.
I invite you in the name of The father and The Son and Holy Spirit (this calls in both Jesus and The Holy Spirit). I invite archangel Michael into our meditation to protect our love and light and bring in only love and light of the highest vibrations. I then invite our spirit guides, ascended masters and the Angels and other energies where I feel guided.
Tommy loves Saint Germaine and has discovered a new spirit guide by the name of Jedediah who I believe is our new born son, to come. I also have met a female spirit baby who I believe will also be here with us soon, called Soriha. My mum thinks they will be twins! I would love that.
After our initial prayer, we go with the flow. We share gratitude first, then ask God to co-create with us and our day ahead. We then pray for our family and friends, then sit in silence and surround ourselves with White and Purple Light. Before we know it, the timer goes off and we are ready to start our day.
I always feel energized and free when I put trust in God and The Universe.
The first Miracle of the day, was receiving my white dress! The laundry lady responded to my message and her son offered to ride his bike over to us, so we could pick it up! Tommy tipped him a $20 and we were all happy! He came back with a beautifully pressed dress ready for me to sing and dance in.
Booking my flight to Sydney while we were eating breakfast was a challenge. There is this new app which we booked from, which had completely thrown me off balance. The booking said, “Melbourne to Sydney”. My plan was to arrive from LA, meet my dad, he would take my luggage home, and I would take just what I needed for Sydney. He lives close the airport and it meant I would get to see him as well! Dad was there early to meet me, and as I arrived he looked stressed out. I think he was worried about me missing my Domestic flight to Sydney. My reference number wouldn’t work. It was perfect timing for me to contact Tommy, he was still awake. I knew he would be able to help me, he booked the flight from his phone… so he was bound to have the correct reference number. Nope, still didn’t work. Turns out my flight was from Avalon Airport! This would be exactly one hour – by car to get there and get my flight! I would need to leave right then and there, if I were to make it.
What to do?
My dad started making calls, frantically asking family to come and pick me up and drive me to Avalon, to save money. I started booking an Uber. Dad didn’t have his car, and was not prepared for our plans to changed so suddenly. He had his beautiful lovely patient wife waiting in the car for us. They also had other plans and could not drive me to Avalon. I had the Uber booked, and was quickly moving some of my clothes from one suitcase to the other. In this moment my dad is suggesting for me to wait for family, and then Tommy texts me and he says “Do it!”. $100 later and I’m off! I was in such a daze. While I was on the plane from LA I wrote a list of all the things I needed to bring with me to Sydney, that list went out the window and in that moment I just picked out my dress, my shoes and anything else I could think of, went completely into my subconscious mind to get myself into that Uber as fast as humanly possible. Tommy says “You are on a mission… this is one of your challenges” It really inspired me to go for it.
I then gave my dad my big suitcase, said goodbye and off I went! I made the flight by a few minutes. It was also mentioned that I was not the only one who had made this mistake, which says a lot about the company or a lot about the airport. Who knew who was at fault? All I knew is that I was off to Sydney. I had time to shovel some food down, and off we went.
People were fascinated with my drum. I was asked if I was drummer, and I guess I am!
While I was collecting my luggage at Melbourne Airport I explained to Tommy that my dad had found some places for me to stay, but he didn’t actually book anything because he wasn’t sure of the exact dates of my travel and how much I wanted to spend. My request to Tommy was… “something cheap, with a bed… it’s only a few nights”.
I landed in Sydney and the first text I see is Tommy. He booked me into a “Tiny Room” with a bed. He sent me the pics and it looked pretty good on the Air BnB Site. It said “Private Room with bed” and that’s all I needed. When I arrived, it was a little different. I was greeted by a young, slim pretty Asian woman who was bright and bubbly. She was standing in front of a massage parlor with a tall white man, who gave her some cash. She put in her purse, grabbed my heavy luggage and took it up two flights of stairs. She was so petite, I don’t know how she was able to lift my luggage. It was very sweet. As we arrived upstairs, I got to see the rooms, which were not really rooms. It was more like a dorm with 6 beds, partitioned off, with no closed off ceiling. You could hear the other people sleeping and felt strange. It was very clean and there was a good shower and bathroom. I was feeling like I was missing something. I could hear a voice inside my head saying “Call your people” I knew that I knew people in Sydney but I couldn’t think of who! I was exhausted from my flight and had a foggy brain.
Once my bed was made, I hopped straight in and fell asleep. The bed was comfortable. I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like I was going to vomit. It was almost ready to come out. I went running for the bathroom, but it was occupied. I ran downstairs in search for another bathroom and noticed the place was still open and there was an Asian man sitting waiting for his turn. I had a vision of this young woman giving happy endings and who knows what else. As I continued to look for a bathroom I stumbled across a room with a whole lot of junk in it! I really felt ill. I couldn’t stay in this environment. I was feeling sick because of what was happening downstairs. I could sense it and feel it and it wasn’t nice.
I went back into my room, my stomach had settled. I then spoke to my mum and she reminded me that my cousins lived in Sydney! They lived literally 15 minutes away from where I was staying and I completely forgot! How did I forget such a thing? I contacted them straight away. They were so happy to hear from me and invited me to stay with them. They were so lovely, offering me their bed, cleaned sheets and cooked me dinner. It was beautiful!
But first I had my audition to do… I woke up early at 5am and started my day. Spoke to Tommy and we did our meditation. I decided to get my audition out the way, before moving anywhere. I practiced, practiced and practiced. I assumed that because I was part of the call backs they would want to see me act and sing, as well as dance. I also assumed that they had seen me dance in my Audition tape. I asked for some feedback on my audition tape and was told no one had seen it as yet, that the directors were flying in the air from New York to Melbourne as we speak. I wondered why I couldn’t have my audition in New York? I raised the question and received the typical answer; that I needed to be in Australia for those specific dates without exceptions. I knew then if I really wanted to do that, I would need to push for it, and knew there was no hope there… I did what I was told and followed through to the live audition. I had to be out of the US anyway but I still couldn’t help but wonder why even up until the audition day, did I not hear any feedback on my audition tape? To be sure, I send another email, to confirm I am to attend the call backs. The say yes, and now I am totally confused! Maybe I had a chance? Even with my lack of dancing skills? What was I thinking? I really should have been more specific with my questions and honest with myself and with the directors about the fact that I was struggling with the dance choreography. Something was telling me to just continue on this journey. So I did. I had prepared myself for the fail by going to a dance class on Broadway while I was in New York, which I loved but totally sucked at. I remember coming home to Tommy that day and almost giving up. He encouraged me to keep going.
The dance Audition in Sydney reminded me of the Broadway dance class. It was amazing watching how the dancers picked up the choreography so fast. I just couldn’t keep up. No matter how much practice I did. It also didn’t help that I practiced everything back the front, the opposite way around, because I was learning from the TV!. I was doomed. I sat by the side lines and watched them dance so gracefully. It was truly amazing. I appreciated being there and being the observer. I was way out of my league and I was ok with it. I wasn’t attached to my role as Anita as much as I was in love with the character. I was happy. Tommy was by my side the whole time. We prayed before my audition and he gave me some tips on how to celebrate before my audition rather than after, to feel like I’ve already won. I really had already won. I had won the man of my dreams and I wanted that so much more than anything. The leading role would have been a bonus. It also meant, that I would have been in Australia for 2 months longer which meant two months more away from Tommy. It also made me realize my work ethic and if I put this same work ethic into my healing business this would make me so happy. This is my calling and where my energy is being guided to be. Don’t get me wrong, if the directors miraculously wanted to spend hours teaching me dancing for the role, I would not say no!
I am now with my cousins enjoying my birthday and feel extremely happy deep within my soul. The true meaning of happiness is when you can just be. When you don’t need anything else to make you happy, you are just happy. When we don’t rely on others to make us feel happy.
I knew my birthday was going to be a beautiful day because I felt so much love in my heart. I also gave my cousin a reading last night which made my heart sing. She is in a new place from London where everything is unfamiliar territory. Which can be exciting and scary all at the same time. I gave her the messages I received and opened a new door for her to see all the possibilities rather than the impossibility’s.
When we have a blank canvas, we can always create. This is the beauty of creation.
What the day brings, only God knows. I will continue to do as my heart is being guided to do and continue to create my world.
I woke up with the birds singing and a second later, my phone buzzes and it’s Tommy. He sends me his writings, wishing me a happy birthday – hand written. Telling me that I’ve built a coat of armor to deflect the small non-trivial static and interference of life, he then explains that I am “hardened”, but also soft! The magic in his words filled my heart with joy, but the one thing that I know for sure is that from the very first words in that letter, he says, “Good Morning Sunshine!!! Today the sun is shining and the birds are chirping” and the birds were… chirping… I could hear them outside my window. He made the birds sing for me, or the birds tuned in, got Tommy’s message and told me, so I would wake up and read the beautiful heart felt letter. This is divine timing. When the universe is completely connected to your call, to your love, to your own source energy.
To be continued…